My body is rejecting me!

I was supposed to get my period today, but I have not yet.. I took a test yesterday that was negative, so I am waiting another couple of days and then I will test again. If it's still negative and I still have not had a period, I'll make an appointment with my OBGYN and make sure I don't have an etopic.

Supposed to go to the gym tonight, but I am really not feeling it. I have my diet (the 2 millionth one) starting on Monday. I'm just having one thing of cottage cheese Mon-Fri, free day on Saturday and fasting on Sunday.

I'll post a start weight on Sunday and then I will not be weighing myself throughout the week. Only on Sundays.

July's Goal: 160lbs

Rock Bottom.

You know that moment when you’re at a good weight and you start to add a few pounds here and there and although your clothes fit a bit more snug,.. it’s not something you can’t handle?

That is what happened to me. I was happy. I ate whenever I wanted. Whatever I wanted. As often and as much as I wanted. –I was 150lbs, then. I was already at my heaviest weight.

A little binge here, free day there… overall, I thought I looked great! And I did. So I ate how I wanted.

(I'm in the elf outfit above)

6 months went by and I got married. I fit into my dress, no problem. And then the pictures came in…. 

I hate every single one of the pictures from what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life. Worse than that, I hate myself. I hate my life.

I was wearing a size 9-10 US. And just last week I had to hide the size of my shorts I was trying on to avoid my husband seeing me pick out a size 16.

The real eye opener was stepping on the scale and seeing 178lbs.

ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY EIGHT POUNDS!!!!

It’s disgusting. It’s unacceptable and it HAS to STOP right NOW!

Moving forward from here, I’m going to document everything. I have to lose this weight, before I lose my mind and lose myself.